I have been married for 24 years and have two adult children. I separated from my husband in September because I felt lonely. I am now in a new relationship with lots of attention, compliments and love. I still miss my husband and our life together. We met because he wanted to tell me that he finally understood what I wanted. He told me that I was his goal in life. He doesn’t know I’m in a relationship and I don’t want him to know. I’m so desperate and don’t know what to do anymore.
Whether you and your partner will get it depends on several questions. For one, whether you both have kids. This is the case with you. Couples who have children are more willing to do something for the partnership. They are also much more likely to reconcile successfully after the breakup. However, this is a rather rare case.
Second, it depends on whether they are both willing to face your mistakes. That seems to be the case with your husband at the moment.
This also speaks of the resumption of the relationship. However, I was wondering what you yourself contributed to ending the relationship. Experience has shown that both partners have a 50 percent share. But where is your share?
Let’s get to the real obstacles to continuing a relationship. Most couples experience pretty much the same thing on the second try as they did on the first. The reason is simple: they are both still the same people. Both quickly fall into old role models in everyday life.
The main way to prevent this is to continue to live separately. For a while, at least. You are not responsible for his family and his daily well-being. This has proven to be a good practice.
There is also another stumbling block. Many men want their wives back after a breakup. Separation makes men move. However, once the relationship is strengthened again, the engagement decreases.
Problem three: The sexual relationship has often suffered a lot over the years. Therefore, resuming sexual activity is difficult for many couples. There is a lot you need to learn to share and keep saying what is important to you. And your husband to listen and ask questions. Only then will there be closeness between you again, which also allows for tenderness.
One last thing: you will experience something in the new relationship that will benefit you. Do you really have to give up on it? It is not enough for your husband to say that you are the meaning of his life. He should also act accordingly and be able to take close care of you every day. Only then does a new beginning have a chance.
Christian Tell He is a consultant, individual author and partnership. Do you also have a question for him? Write to: [email protected]