Why and how can we work on trust in our relationship? Psychologist Dominic Henning has the answers.
Trust is the foundation of a relationship. Dominic Henning, a psychologist from Karlsruhe, agrees:
In the SWR3 relationship program, we talked to a psychologist about different aspects of trust and got to know a couple who have a special relationship. Trust also plays a major role here.
Trust gives us security. With confidence we can be sure that the person in front of us will benefit us. Hennig says the other wants to do positive things for you, supports us, and wants you to feel comfortable in their presence.
How do I trust others?
Dominic Henning talks about a leap of confidence or first-sight confidence we give people. This is especially the case when this person reminds us of another person with whom we have already had positive experiences. Childhood also plays a major role in this: if we have positive memories of the people who shaped us in childhood, it is easier to build trust.
How do I build trust?
The psychologist talks about different stages of building trust in a relationship:
- At the stage of getting to know you, the main thing is for everyone to tell a lot about themselves and about it Mutual understanding I’m up.
- Once the understanding is established, it is a stage reliability: “It is all about predictability. We understand what the other is doing and what the other wants.” We know or can estimate how the other person will behave in the future.
- The next stage is about reliability: We experience that the other person is there for us even in times of crisis, supporting and listening to us.
- At some point it turns into a feeling of complete security: we know that our partner wants good things for us and is considerate of others.
Confidence is good and control is better: is that really true?
Hennig believes that freedom is important in a relationship. In addition, it is important at the beginning of the relationship to get to know the partner in question and the partner’s environment. Where does the partner work? What sport does the other person like? If you know these things about the other, you can empathize better with the other. This can also boost confidence and reduce the need for control.
Why is it so hard for some people to trust?
The psychologist talks about a possible combination of two factors that make it difficult for some people to build trust:
- Personality: Heredity plays a role when it comes to confidence. Some people are almost pathologically jealous. They suspect evil in the actions of others and deeply distrust everyone. This is the maximum that does not depend on bad experiences. “But there are also gradations that come somewhat in the normal range, but already indicate a paranoid trend. Then it is highlighted‘ says Hennig.
- Experiences in the field of attachment and relationships: In addition to personality, individual experiences in the past also play a role. For example, if you grew up without a caregiver or if your parents weren’t around, it could cause trust issues later in the person’s life. “We lose a little bit of our basic trust in people and then we can’t really trust anyone because we’ve had these bad experiences.“
What can you do to build confidence?
Even if no one is taking care of these people, they should be able to take care of themselves, Hennig says. There is no direct practice for this. But: You can train yourself to show your limits and focus primarily on taking care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is important to building confidence.
But trust can also be broken. An example that a psychiatrist often encounters in his practice is partner infidelity. This usually leads to a loss of trust in the partner who has been betrayed. But from a psychological point of view, cheating is a symptom of a certain distance within the existing relationship. His advice if you want to save the relationshipTalk to your partner about it and ask how this happened so that you can distance yourself from each other in the relationship. What are the unmet needs? Where have we been together? With these questions, you can create a space for your partner to open up and give you the opportunity to avoid another affair.
The most important thing is to understand your role in the situation and work against it. Only when you can free yourself from a state of helplessness can you work on the relationship and rebuild trust. Even as the person who committed infidelity, it is important to be open to the other person: state the reasons for infidelity. At this point, honesty is very important, according to Henning. Once mutual understanding is re-established, the person who cheated on his partner must also radiate a certain security again. Showing that you can count on him again to the other person helps the situation and the process of coming to terms with him.
Confidence can only be restored if a certain degree of predictability can be restored.
Relationships can be of a very different nature. Ejaculation can of course put them to the test. But other relationship models aren’t always easy from the start. Just as with Okatvia and Peter. When they met, Octavia told him directly what she does: she is an escort girl. They are both very open about it and tell each other everything. For them, trust and knowing that they tell each other everything is an essential building block in their relationship that also builds trust.
Peter was glad that she told him directly what she does for a living. Even if something went wrong at work and there was a risk that she might contract an STD, she is open about it. Peter knows Octavia is telling him everything. What Peter doesn’t want you to know, though, is what exactly happens on Octavia’s dates or what she does with men.
But how could that be?
Most importantly, the two go on trips together. The two also say this in an interview: