Warning signs in a relationship include excessive jealousy and frequent lying.
You should also be wary of a partner who often criticizes or puts you down.
Another important warning sign is the unwillingness to compromise – relationships should not be one-sided.
We are always told to stay away from people who show toxic warning signs in relationships, but what exactly should we look out for?
When you’re dating someone you don’t already know, the romance and excitement of the “honeymoon phase” can blind you, and you may not even be aware of the warning signs. So-called “red flags,” such as persistent criticism, can indicate a relatively common type of emotional abuse. According to a survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), about 47.1 percent of women and 46.5 percent of men have experienced some form of psychological aggression in a relationship.
It can be helpful to know what to look for so you can proceed with caution or end the relationship if necessary.
1. Lying a lot
If you keep holding your partner as dishonest, that’s not a good sign.
“We all tell white lies. But if you notice that your partner is constantly cheating on you or is caught lying, that’s a red flag,” said Samara Quintero, marriage and family specialist at Choosing Therapy.
These can be small lies, like not telling the truth about what your partner is going into, or big lies, like not telling them how much debt they owe.
Quintero says that lying over and over can make it difficult to build a solid relationship foundation or destroy an already existing one, which can lead to a shaky future.
2. Permanent Sale
If your partner frequently criticizes or puts you down, even in a subtle or passive-aggressive way, it can affect your self-esteem.
“This is a form of emotional abuse that can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity in a relationship,” Quintero says. She says some common examples are: “You can be glad I’m still with you because you’ll never do better than me.” or “You seem so silly when you’re trying to be funny.”
A 2013 study showed that emotional abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse, both of which can lead to depression and low self-esteem, so it’s important to take this red flag seriously.
“Be sure to address this behavior with your partner. If he refuses to take responsibility or change, maybe it is time to reevaluate the relationship,” says Quintero.
3. Unwillingness to compromise
If your partner is not willing to compromise, even regarding the small things, you should also be careful. “When you’re in a relationship with someone who seems to be one-sided, you can compromise a lot and end up feeling angry, hurt, misunderstood, and resentful,” says Emily Simonyan, marriage therapist and head of learning at Thriveworks.
In healthy relationships, it is important to consider each other’s needs and desires and this compromise is not a one-sided thing.
4. Tendency to escape difficult discussions
If your partner does not have the emotional skills to deal with problems and instead runs away from them, it can negatively affect your relationship.
Examples of your partner include avoiding disagreements without listening to you or ignoring you for days when things get tough.
Simonyan says that people who find it difficult to deal with difficult emotions tend to flee or flee when the going gets tough. Even in healthy relationships, there are always difficult phases. Therefore, you should make sure that your partner communicates with you effectively, rather than running away when the going gets tough.
5. Adjusting behavior and excessive jealousy
If your partner is very jealous, this can lead to controlling behavior.
For example, according to Simonyan, if you have a social life outside of your relationship, he might be jealous. A jealous partner may also smother you with excessive calls or messages in an effort to control what you will do in the future.
Trying to control you usually starts out very subtle, but it gets more intense over time and can make you feel like nothing you’re doing is ‘good enough’. “If you feel overwhelmed or constantly change your behavior to satisfy the other person’s jealousy, it could be a sign of bigger problems,” Simonyan says.
A 2010 meta-analysis found that as relationship jealousy increases, relationship quality decreases, demonstrating that jealousy has a negative impact on romantic relationships. Additionally, a 2014 study found that in relationships in which the partner was overly bossy early on, they were more likely to have an unhealthy communication style later in the relationship.
6. Lack of open health communication
According to Quintero, if your partner is prone to passive aggression, blame, or aggressive emotional expression, this is an ineffective communication.
Communication is one of the foundations of any relationship. If both of you can’t communicate openly and rationally, you will have problems. “A healthy relationship provides both partners with a safe place to open up about their feelings without fear of judgment or criticism,” Quintero says.
A 2017 study found that communication early in a relationship can play an important role in relationship satisfaction later on. Also, the satisfaction of communicating early in a relationship can lead to an amicable partnership later.
If you notice the warning signs early on in a relationship, it’s important to notice them.
Whether you’re facing lies, possessiveness, or feeling belittled, you should take this seriously and think about how it’s affecting your relationship — not just now, but in the long-term.
This text has been translated from English by Mascha Wolf. You can find the original here