The wall is very harmful to your relationship – SWR3

Avoiding conflicts, letting them run their course, or simply not saying anything at all – this is how you can block, aka “walls”. This behavior and the wrong handling of it can be dangerous for the relationship.

Doctor Games Podcast: Love, Sex & Relationship

Everyone deals with conflict differently. One strategy is what is called procrastination. Conflict resolution seems impossible because the person shuts down.

Stalling is considered one of the so-called Four Horsemen of communication between the horrific couple. Others are criticism, defense and belittling.

According to couples therapist Eric Heijman, procrastination and its mismanagement can be fundamentally disruptive to a relationship. If the relationship consists of someone who tends to interrupt and someone who openly deals with conflicts, then the dynamic of withdrawal and demands can quickly emerge. The person procrastinating withdraws, and in response, the other person pushes himself more.

Anyone who prevents loss by clinging will likely always be on the side of this request. And if you now prevent the pain of separation by isolating yourself from too much closeness, because it can hurt you, you will always be on the side of withdrawal. And these differences, I would like to stress, are equal strategies. They must be able to put up with friends as well as partners and, if necessary, learn how to do so.

The good news: It really works! That is, by accepting and respecting both the demands and the hesitant. It’s not about blaming your partner just because they initially pull out in a conflict. Such accusations add to the conflict unnecessarily. The problem is neither the clingy person nor the one who openly communicates problems, but rather the dynamic that arises between the two sides.

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Your partner wants to solve a problem with you and all that comes to your mind is.”away from here!Well, according to Hegemann, like addressing problems effectively, this is an equal strategy for conflict resolution.

In most cases, the walls do not occur on purpose, but because of a deficit. A person floundering with stones is often overwhelmed with emotions and actually in such a state of shock.

Correctly managing this dynamic between the active and passive person is critical. If you are overwhelmed by your emotions during a conflict and therefore cannot words, it helps to communicate this to your partner, for example through:I hear you. I love you, and I also want to resolve this conflict with you, but I still need time for this.Then take the time you need to put yourself in order and engage with the other person when you’re ready to talk about it. Important: Don’t view the break as an opportunity to completely ignore the conflict. That wouldn’t be fair.

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Are you the communicative type of person who addresses problems head-on in order to get rid of them right away, but quickly hit your limits because your peers stop you? Even if you are overwhelmed by the fear of losing, try to remain calm and not push your partner. Don’t hear back if he doesn’t respond at all, wait another time to bring up the topic again.

It doesn’t matter if you’re the one procrastinating or the one fighting against the wall, the following tips will help and assist you in your relationship to procrastination:

  1. Watch out for the tone of your choice of words: Yes, disagreements are emotional and it’s hard not to raise your voice. It rarely helps, it tends to intimidate your peer. If something bothers you, try wording it as a letter I.
  2. Choose the right time: It is easy to solve problems when there is a relaxed atmosphere. And even when disagreements are discussed, it’s okay to ask for a halfway break to settle yourself.

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