Updated: 02/21/2019 – 05:00
Can breaking a relationship save love?
Many couples in crisis say: we need distance! But will you find each other again after that? And above all: how? Psychologist Svenja Luetj offers some advice.
Svenja Lüthge believes that a temporary breakup is not always the best idea to save the relationship. BILD spoke from FRAU correspondent Kerstin Heuser to the expert about the effects of temporary separation and what the alternatives are relationship break There for couples in crisis.
Breaking up a relationship: not always the solution
For some couples, breaking up the relationship seems to be beneficial to them – but before that, a lot needs to be discussed and settled. Above all, trust is important. And then it always depends on the time…
Bild Woman: Ms. Lott, Can Temporary Separation Help Couples?
Svenja Luge: It depends on the route that can only make sense in the short term, eg when both partners go on vacation separately to get away a little bit from each other. So everyone has time to think about themselves and the relationship at peace. But if the breakup continues so far that one goes outside, you have to be clear: This is about a real separation, but you obviously want to leave the back door open, and not be honest with your partner. This is not a good solution.
Because it is important, especially in a crisis, to be honest and truthful with each other. If you later realize that the breakup was a mistake, you can admit it. But lying destroys trust.
In what situations couples try this solution?
Usually both or one of them is unhappy for a long time. That’s why it’s important to think a lot about yourself. What is bothering me? Why am I not satisfied? Is it really just about my partner or are there other reasons? Often a relationship slips into crisis because one partner has problems.
A row can make the ball roll again. Phrases such as “I’ve told you that a thousand times!” She is real though . Constructive debate is the motto.
Why distance can have advantages
What are the best alternatives to temporary separation?
Regularly walk away. Being alone for days or sometimes even a few hours. After five to ten years, couples often fall into the “boredom pit.” This raises questions like: Is he really the right person? Then of course it is also important that we consciously take some time for each other, and take a closer look to find out: What do I like about my partner and what do I not like? Can I be happy with him?
Some couples try it too Separate family – and this can be a real lifesaver for a marriage.
Happiness in love after a relationship breakup
How do the couple get back to each other after a temporary separation?
This often happens when both partners are doing well again. They are happy with themselves and then realize: In fact, it wasn’t my partner’s fault at all, it was my fault that I was unhappy in the relationship. This shows that you should take a very close look when a relationship is in trouble.
Would you like to learn more about Svenja Lüthge’s work? Check out their page.
Trust should not be abused even while on break
However, the break should always be clearly defined and should not be a free pass. Both partners should want to break the relationship or at least respect it wholeheartedly.
In addition, the size of the contact must be clarified in the allotted time. With kids together, completely letting go of contact is, of course, difficult. Otherwise, it may be worth avoiding meetings. But you must also agree to calls or SMS. Because it can be very frustrating when one of the partners is constantly waiting for a sign of life. This is exactly what has become an issue of increasing importance in today’s world.
Finally, the issue of loyalty is very important. The break in the relationship is not the end. If you want to meet other people closely during this time, you should definitely arrange this in advance – otherwise it is just cheating. And this would be a breach of trust, which probably cannot be fixed so easily as the relationship breaks.
Temporary separation means working on yourself – clarifying questions
If you decide to take a break, then this means: talk and explain everything in advance. Then consciously take your time questioning yourself and your partnership. Lists of pros and cons can help even though they seem unromantic. How and where are you in the relationship? What do you want from your partner? What is missing? What is the cause of the dispute? Maybe money? What can you do better on your own? Perhaps the nine questions that can restore love also help us.
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Quiz: Can your relationship be saved?
Relationship problems can be a burden, but they don’t automatically mean the end. Take the test here to see if your relationship can still be saved.