Save the Relationship: With These Eleven Tips, Your Love Has a Chance

Not every conflict, every crisis, or every breach of trust has to lead to a breakup. But if you want to save your relationship, you have to handle it carefully. Our advice provides food for thought and answers

A breach of trust in a partnership is a dime a dozen: betrayals, (small) lies, secrets and quarrels in a thousand aspects can easily become a stumbling block in a relationship. Not to mention the common crises in daily life that can also lead to separation. However, it is worth fighting for love and trying to save your relationship. The conscious decision of each other forms the basis, but what happens next? We have valuable tips and answers on how to reboot successfully.

1. Make an Informed Relationship Decision

It all starts with this: No matter how you got into the crisis, make the decision to partner very consciously and together. This decision forms the basis for whether or not you can save your relationship. Do not take them lightly and above all: each for himself. If one has to convince the other first, your chances are much worse!

2. No more finger pointing

Stop blaming each other for the current situation – or even yourself for it. Of course, it is important how you got into the crisis. For example, if one of you cheats, it simply cannot be put on the shelf. But blaming the relationship in no way contributes to the solution. From the moment you decide to save your relationship, you should put the phrases “It’s your fault because…” behind you.

3. Talk about fears – not anger

Anger is a lot like blame when it comes to feelings. Anger usually covers another emotion. In the event of an impending breakup, it is often the fear of losing the other person. Or disappointment in his behavior – after all, I was happy once. Try to determine for yourself what frightens you about your crisis, and tell your partner exactly that. Hearing “I’m afraid of losing you because…” does so much more than just an angry “idiot.” If you start a conversation with an insult, you will not get answers to emotional questions.

4. What does tolerance actually mean?

In Duden, “forgive” is listed as a strong verb, which has the following meaning: “Do not let the injustice suffered be returned to the originator, do not react with resentment, with punishment; forgive.” It’s all well and good, but in practice it is difficult not to punish a person for what he (allegedly) did. Especially when you feel fine.
This should also be a conscious decision: by agreeing to your relationship, you consent, your partner – and also to yourself! – to forgive. This is a learning process and it may not work from the start. It can help if you write down specifically why you want to forgive your partner for certain things. You should always keep these answers in mind.

5. The best moments?

An effective mindfulness exercise: sit down to a delicious dinner and tell each other about the shared moments that are particularly memorable. You will quickly feel more connected again. Sarcasm like “I wish it was still like that today” or “Man, a lot has happened since…” are prohibited. This would only spoil this exercise.

6. It’s time for compliments

Keep saying nice things to yourself. Because closeness, passion and happiness arise only when loving words are spoken. No, compliments don’t have to be spontaneously said in the present moment: you can and should pay attention to giving compliments to the other person on a regular basis. This inevitably leads to a more attentive interaction between the two of you, after all the praise should be meant very seriously and connected to something you already like in the other person. This can help save your relationship.

7. Get out of the drama

Reward yourself for a break! Yes, you are in a crisis and yes, you need to work actively now to repair your relationship and reduce the fighting. BUT: This is not a 24 hour, 7 day a week job! Instead of talking about your best moments, do you just want to lazily lie on the sofa and watch TV together? Then do it!

8. Specific commitments

What’s especially important now: Don’t make any empty promises! Lovers often get stuck in crises because they don’t talk about solutions concrete enough. Example: Your relationship has grown after the first few years together and you have decided to “do more together.” It looks promising at first. But what does it really mean to do more together?

Instead, agree on very specific things: Every Wednesday you work out together, every Saturday you sleep and have coffee in bed, and you watch your favorite series twice a week. Try to be happy in everyday life and pay attention to the little things. Don’t be afraid of specific dates: In order to save your relationship, it’s also a good idea to plan specific dates for sex, for example.

9. Couple time conscious

Speaking of firm commitments: Nothing is more important than consciously spending time together to save the relationship. Try to get off the beaten path and revive the beloved ritual. Anyone who dares to do something new automatically brings a breath of fresh air to the old walls and becomes happier.
Take a day trip, visit a museum, play sports – even if it’s just table tennis – and meet your friends for paintball or bowling. In short: the action has been announced. Then, to relax, think about the things that have always been fun for you. Cooking, a good chain, going for a walk, whatever: the main thing is that it connects you.

10. Conscious non-couple time

However, spending time alone is just as important as spending time as a couple. This is often the hardest for troubled couples, because they both feel like they need to be with each other all the time – after all, you argue a lot these days. Reward yourself with mindful times where everyone can be on their own. Even if it’s just to indulge your thoughts. Because no matter what the cause of the crisis is: each of you needs your time to address it. A little distance helps every now and then.

11. The music of the future: what should it look like?

They talked for countless hours about the past and the present. Now is the time to bring the future to the table. Because it is not uncommon for fear of the future to be responsible for a relationship crisis. Questions about marriage, children, and perhaps even a commute to work are sure hurdles. But if you like to live together, such discussions are part of it – especially in times of crisis. If only to prevent you from making the decision to save your relationship, but then realize that everyone has their own vision of the future.

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