Manipulation, manipulation and frustration in a relationship: this is how you should react

In a later relationship I experienced the match from the other side and was scared. I never felt free to do as I felt. Like me when I was younger, my partner couldn’t control her anger and was either yelling at me or ignoring me. once even hit.

If your partner cannot control themselves in frustrating situations and frequently reacts aggressively, you should not tolerate it. Even if the other person asks for forgiveness with tears in his eyes: if his behavior does not change after that, then an apology is worth nothing, nothing more than trying to manipulate you. Don’t give yourself that. (Read more: Cloud 4 instead of Cloud 7: Why you should lower your expectations of love)

disrespectful behavior

Whether your partner is not listening to you, ignoring your needs and desires, or humiliating you in front of others by making fun of you, imitating you, or managing you, if the other person treats you disrespectfully, it’s a red flag to take it seriously. If you ask a human about it, he may downplay it, “It was just a joke” or “Why are you so sensitive all of a sudden?”. This manipulative tactic is called gaslighting and means the targeted insecurity of the other, who then begins to doubt their own perception. (Read more: Be Honest: How to Show Your Partner That You Love Him)

Above all, this is important: once the partner’s respect is gone, he will not return again.

Eggshell feeling

Do you like walking on eggshells? Do you treat your partner with extreme caution because they easily get angry, frustrated, or offended? Very bad. In healthy relationships or friendships, you should always be able to be yourself and not be afraid of how others will react.

Your friends are uncomfortable around your partner

If you see friends or family avoid seeing your partner, talk to them and ask why. In most cases, external antennas are more sensitive than our own. (Also interesting: Stashing: how to defend yourself against it – and in which cases you have to put up with it)

If people you trust admit that they feel uncomfortable, insecure, or stressed out in the presence of the man or woman of your dreams, take it seriously.

How do I deal with Red Flags?

Ideally, separate the person in question from your environment. But this requires good observational skills and a willingness to let go of the person – which is not always the case, you know that. (Read also: Falling in love with others: Why do we develop feelings for someone who is not our partner??)

This guide has helped me several times:

1. Admit to yourself that you are not feeling well in the relationship.

2. Formulate the problems for yourself. Specifically name it: “I muted my Whatsapp messages at home for fear that my girlfriend would react with anger or jealousy.” for example.

3. Be clear about your desires and the truth of your relationship. What do you need from your partner to be happy? How would he react if you told him that?

4. Talk to the other person about it. If possible without accusations, but also without holding yourself accountable. Don’t be too emotional. As you know, sometimes our partner does not know what to do with his behavior. That’s why you need to speak up if you care about the relationship and think there is room for improvement.

5. If vocalization fails, try to separate from the other person. Friends can help with this. or a therapist. If your relationship is more of a struggle than love, get used to the idea of ​​ending it.

Mimi Erhardt is a sex columnist for GQ and here Learn more about the author.

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