Circular Head: No longer in the mood to ask about relationship status

“And? How is love?” Here she is again. The question everyone asks is normal. Be it co-workers, relatives or acquaintances you haven’t seen for ages. It lurks everywhere.

I’m a bachelor. Not just for 3 months or 2.5 years. I’ve been single for 25 years and don’t see a relationship in sight. This fact makes the people around me feel that they need to comment on my ‘individual situation’. It starts with Grandma, who asks when I finally want to get married (25 seems too late in her eyes), continues with my childhood friend, who every time I call just wants to know if there’s anything “new” and what a love life does and ends With acquaintances who either want to match the single person in the circle or simply suggest trying dating. But why is my relationship status so important?

Some stupid questions

In our society, the prerequisites for a “happy” life are often predetermined. Many of us choose a career or family life. Some want and manage both, although in my childhood and teenage years being a wife and mother was more important and a career was Plan B only if a relationship and thus family planning was not within reach.

The question “Why am I still single?” Totally inappropriate and not particularly smart. How do you answer that? “Maybe because I’m too loud, or too quiet, or emotional, or unattached?” Or because I “always fall in love with the wrong people?” The question is usually as well thought out as the shaky statements like “The right question is coming soon.”

Sometimes I like to ask flimsy questions. “Are you really happy in your relationship or are you just pretending so no one feels sorry for you?” or “You’re lonely sometimes too, aren’t you? When your boyfriend would rather watch football with his kids than spend time with you.” But no, I’ll bite my tongue and save myself the discussion.

cliché, cliché, cliché

We all know it: the common stories of single women in the big city who met the cool guy on every street corner, in coffee shops and at their next hip party, which start right off with her. Of course, this results in a flirtation, the romance may last more than three weeks, but at least it is a good, exciting, casual time. If they break up with each other again, it won’t take long before you meet the next person. Yes, as much as I love Sex and the City – Carrie Bradshaw and her associates have molded the unachievable stereotype of everyday singles. But the reality is different: Most of us who are single have regular jobs, then run the house and maybe hoover on Tinder for a bit or meet up with friends. Which singles meet regularly with a potential new partner? So it’s not me!

Can singles be happy?

Although being single is now seen as exciting and “more natural,” and most comics and soap operas are about happiness as individuals, the ultimate destination in the end is still the relationship with that gorgeous, sexy man or amazing woman. Of course, they’re only soap operas and movies – but I still noticed how often this completely romantic and unrealistic image recurs on our daily lives and relationships.
I left my country not only because of the pressure to finally find the right person, but also because of my narrow-minded way of thinking and mindless conversations. My fellow human beings had a lot to say about this in terms of the love of life. “There are more options. If you can’t find anyone in the big city, I don’t know either,” “Well, are you going to move because there’s no man for you here?”

I realized early on that I value being alone and that I could find peace of mind in the process. After evenings with friends, my social battery drains quickly and when I plan every day of the week, I regret it on Wednesdays at the latest because I crave my sofa, comfort food, and good chain — just for myself. However, as a woman, people often look at you with amazement and smile at you when you feel comfortable and complete with yourself and especially as a single person. This can not be? She just says that so people don’t feel sorry for her, right? She will change her mind as soon as the right person comes along. Can I just take it seriously? Thanks!

Not in the mood for levels

genuinely? Giving up my solo status would be a huge problem for me at this point. Precisely because I don’t need a man, my life alone is complete and happy and I have absolutely no desire for dating and unrelated drama. I would be lying if I said I don’t yearn for a partner, nor do I want to live up to the “all men suck” cliché, but expect more out of my life than marking milestones or crossing levels to be on the same platform with everyone else: single, taken, married , child children. And while we’re at it, where are the levels like self-actualization, career success, financial independence, etc.?

I’m at these levels, and I’m not the only one. It’s not my label and I wish more people would think outside the box and allow others to do things at their own pace. I would like honest questions about my life and how I am doing now. Or if you don’t have anything profitable to say – just shut up!

I am enjoying my life. I don’t date much, and I don’t get to meet guys regularly, but I focus a lot on my personal development. I travel alone, I make my own decisions, and fortunately I don’t depend on anyone. I make my own luck. Moreover, I can only do what I want – which is better? I’m not alone, I’m just single. And very happy with it, frankly. This is.

we are more ?!

All the thoughtless comments about my single status are bouncing back from me now. It doesn’t hurt anymore when I’m in a relationship, and he constantly asks me why I’m still single and not feeling lonely after all. I don’t mind anymore I’m just annoyed with it!
But what about other women who might be less casual about it? Who are honestly sad about the state of their relationship? And anyway, why should this always be a problem? I always ask myself: “Is my relationship status the most important thing in my life”? In fact, you already know the answer. We are more, we can do more, and we probably want more. Why can’t we all care about that stupid label?

Barbara

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