Not many Swiss people like to talk about money – not even about relationships. A couples therapist says that being open when it comes to finances is very important.
Margarita Hoffmann, a couples counselor in Zurich, says that couples often underestimate the importance of money in a relationship.
In an interview, she explains when money becomes an issue and how couples can handle it.
Hoffman also advises talking openly about money at the beginning of a relationship.
What is the importance of money in romantic relationships?
Margarita Hoffmann: “Very important. Unfortunately, many couples underestimate the topic. We use money to determine our standard of living, that is, how we live and our perceived quality of life. Because money is also linked to emotional factors like status and freedom. This also plays a role when looking for a partner. So if you appreciate status, you would need to date someone who has money.”
When does money become an issue in a partnership?
“Personal attitude often becomes a problem. Because one person is usually generous in finance, while the other likes to save and leave something aside. The different the attitude towards money, the more discussions there are. Among the accusations most often heard then: “You spend too much” or “You should spend less”. But money also becomes a problem when it is used as a means of power.”
So, if someone decides why the money is being used?
“I agree. When the person who earns the most suddenly decides where to go on vacation and what to buy, it creates tension. If someone has existential concerns, money also becomes an issue. You don’t have to be poor to do it. There are people who earn enough but they They are very afraid of becoming poor.”
What can couples do when there is an argument over money?
First of all, the needs behind the topic of money should be clarified. So when you talk about money, you should stay on topic and not confuse it with feelings. Once topics like love and money are mixed, tensions arise. Often it is not about the money itself, but the need for security or independence.”
A reader told us it Boyfriend left after increasingWhat’s your opinion?
“Money has a huge impact on self-esteem. Anyone who is unsure and does not see their partner as equal can be unstable because of increased wages. Then it comes to what is called narcissistic injury. A person’s ego gets hurt. So a breakup is pure self-protection. Of course, It is also possible that the old social paradigms played a role here: perhaps the man was subconsciously convinced that he had to earn more than his girlfriend. ”
Should couples open up about money from the start?
“Anyone who is serious and wants to have a relationship should be transparent when it comes to finances. Young people in particular often underestimate this. The topic is always a part of everyday life, even without talking about it. Questions like who pays for this drink and who He calls who ask again and again. If spouses do not touch on the topic of money, this eventually leads to ambiguity and disagreements can arise.”
As part of the Money & Relationships series, a 20 minute report on how finance affects relationships. In the first part, the affected tell what the reward means for their affair. The second part is about friendships and money. Do you lend money to your friends? Did you really disagree with your colleagues because of the money? Tell us your story!
Do you have questions about relationships, love or sexual health?
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